Any break-up is tough. We’ve all been through them. You cry, you eat a little too much ice cream and chocolate, you get a horrible haircut, and you spend what little money you have left shopping for things you absolutely have no use for. Eventually, you tell yourself you’re an amazing person who deserves someone equally as amazing.
But what do you do when it comes to a friendship? Most cases people naturally drift away from each other. We blame life, work, or responsibilities. But let’s be honest if you let these things come in the way, then perhaps the friendship was just not worth it.
At 32 years old, I am not afraid to say I have a hard time making new friends. I still have a lot of my childhood friends, but sadly they live thousands of kilometers away. It was so much easier when I was younger. As adults, there’s so much doubt sometimes and hesitation.
Last November, I started being friends with someone. Let’s name him Paul. Paul is a couple of years older than me, intelligent, and overall a nice guy. I met him through work and from the start, we both knew we could be good friends. Just friends. We’ve enjoyed having coffee together, eating out, laughing, talking about everything and anything. Things went quite smoothly and we naturally needed to see each other as often as possible.
Thanks to him, I’ve learned a lot about life. Things like soulmates. I grew up thinking we were destined to marry our soulmate. I began to question my own marriage because the Husband and I are so different. I love him so much, for his qualities (good or bad), but we are total opposites. Opposites in our taste of music, movies, but especially our humor. Then, I realized that perhaps it isn’t supposed to be like that. Perhaps we aren’t destined to marry our soulmate. Or perhaps our soulmate doesn’t necessarily have to be someone you are in love in with. Perhaps, a soulmate could be that one guy you can have coffee and cake with and laugh about everything and anything.
Of course, Paul and I don’t always agree on things. We don’t have the same relationship with money. But that’s most probably from the way we grew up and lived our life. He comes from a middle-class family, worked until he had everything going for him, then he lost it all and now he’s back to zero. My parents had money, but nevertheless I’ve had a tough life tainted with cancer. My parents have both passed away, but I’ve never given up on life and I currently have a pretty good thing going on.
Some of the discussions we have leave me speechless, but we are all entitled to our own opinion. Paul believes when in a relationship it’s important to have money to go away on weekends. But what about a romantic picnic not too far away? He’ll decline an invitation because he doesn’t have money to buy a gift. Why can’t he see that he wasn’t invited for the gift in the first place? He says that in life you have to be selfish. Eeuuuhh no … hmmmm … maybe?
I’m a pretty chill person. I like to laugh, make stupid jokes, and enjoy each day. Why complicate life when life is already complicated enough? I learned at a pretty young age how precious and fragile life really is.
So what brought this friendship breakup?
Well, the worst thing that can go wrong in a friendship is when you start doubting the other. When he tells you something and you don’t know whether he’s telling the truth or not. That’s my deal breaker.
Truth is, I would never force you to do something you don’t want to do. It doesn’t work like that with me. But, Paul, why couldn’t you just flat say so. Why did you have to start playing on my soft heart? ! Because now I feel like you tried to manipulate me and I’m questioning everything that happened in the past 6 months. Every plans you cancelled, for example.
Reality is, the string of our friendship has been cut. My pride won’t let you get to me. We could try, but deep down I know it will never work. The balance is way off.
We will see each other soon I promise and I’ll tell you everything that’s been bothering me. Maybe it’ll hurt. Maybe you won’t feel anything. Maybe it won’t change a thing. You once told me I had to start being selfish in life. Well, here it is then.