Hey, you! š„š„
I wasn't so sure about writing this post because it doesn't involve just me, but the Husband said I could. I'm not sure how many people read these posts, but if this helps just 1 person then I'm happy.
So you know, yesterday was my 36th birthday and it DID NOT go as planned. In fact, we ended up not celebrating it at all because ... the Husband and I had a huge fight.
I'm over it now because we've obviously made up. But I've been thinking about it, over and over again, and trying to figure out what went wrong.
The Husband and I are total opposites. We are on the extremes of the stick. Truthfully it's amazing we've fallen in love with one other and managed to make it this far. I don't know how it is for others, but I can say it's definitely not easy for us. We're very different and we both carry a lot of excess baggage with us. They say that love is sometimes not enough, but for us it's everything.
What happened on my birthday is based on 1 thing and 1 thing only - the classic case of miscommunication.
I have long given up on the idea of being on the same page as my husband. The truth is (and this is something I didn't know before getting married) you cannot change a person. EVER. When you get together with someone, you have to accept them for who they are. There is no "in time he'll change", "I'll make him change", or "he'll eventually change". There is none of that and that goes both ways. I mean, I'm talking about my husband here but this is true to myself too. Through the years, your partner might change (a bit), but that has to be as their own initiative and naturally, otherwise do not expect anything. In some situations, expectations can be a huge burden.
Which brings me to my next point. When you're in a relationship with someone who is completely different from you, they won't see a situation or an event the same way. I celebrate birthdays because I grew up with parents who loved celebrating birthdays. It was always such a big thing. I've obviously toned it down with age, but I like celebrating it as well. My husband, on the other hand, doesn't celebrate birthdays the way I do. A simple greeting is just fine for him. And that's totally ok - just don't make your partner feel bad for wanting something. You might be different, you might want different things, but never make your partner feel bad for wanting something from you.
Here's why communication is important because in this case, all you have to do is ASK. I've given up the idea of a surprise. Not because I hate surprises, but because my husband does. And so because he does, he doesn't necessarily think of making them which makes total sense.
What doesn't make sense is me not asking for what I want. I should have done that yesterday. Because unless I do, he has no idea what I want. So yeah, I don't get that "surprise", but at least my husband knows what I want and what I don't want. It's as simple as that. When you're so different from someone, you simply cannot assume that they think the same way that you do. As my middle school teacher used to say, never assume because when you do you make an ASS of U and ME.
All of this caused my 36th birthday to be the worst one in mind. If I had just maybe given a list to my husband of the things to do instead of waiting for him to do them on his own, then maybe just maybe, I wouldn't have spent my day crying in bed. What do you think??
But as I've mentioned earlier, we have made up and everything's all good now. There's another point I would love to share with you and I thought I would write it here but .... my daughter is calling, the dog is trying to get my attention, and I have a million of Christmas -related things to do. So, I'll do it in tomorrow's post instead, okay?
Take care and let me know your thoughts about this!
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