Jul 18, 20233 min read

I Have Control Issues | Podcast

Updated: Jan 12

Hey, you! 🍃

About 10 years ago, I realised or better yet, accepted that I have control issues.

I'm not sure where it comes from, but I have all the signs and symptoms. For most of my adult life, I have felt the need to exert power over my life, my relationships, and situations around me. Sometimes I wonder if it comes from my mom's battle with cancer and losing her at a young age, but I'm not so sure. I've read that control issues can come from anxiety disorders too. I usually have my anxiety under control, but perhaps it's because I'm so good at controlling my life.

But lately I've been dealing with something way beyond my control.

My daughter and I had to get new passports. We started the procedure at the end of May, which we were told was perfect for when we would need it. Original plan was to fly to the Philippines on July 21, but from the looks of it - it might not happen after all.

My daughter's passport is ready for pick-up, but turns out there's a little issue with mine. This explains the delay. In fact, they needed my birth certificate from the foreign affairs civil registry, but they weren't replying to the request. So, there was a second follow-up and weeks after the birth certificate was finally sent! So yeahhhh ... After what feels like an eternity of calling every government agency I could and try to pressure them, it is finally in production and there is pretty much nothing I can do now but wait. I've been told that it takes more or less 16 days to make a passport. But then again, I was told that it takes 6 weeks to process a passport and we are currently on week 10.

I wasn't always so chill about the whole situation, mind you. A few weeks ago, I just wanted to scream in a pillow, cry all the tears in my body, and was on the edge of having an anxiety attack when I remembered to breathe and relax.

My health hasn't been the greatest lately and there's nothing worse like unwanted stress on one's mental and physical health. So with each breath I took, I reminded myself the need to relax and have faith that things will work out in the end. And that sometimes, I just have to let go a little and let life happen. Because at the end of the day, the only thing I can control is what I say, what I do, and how I act. Letting go is quite easy to say, but not so easy to do. However, once it's done, I do recognise that it is worth all the efforts.

On the site Choosing Therapy, I stumbled upon a list of 7 ways to overcome control issues. I'm very interested in testing these tips.