Jan 278 min read

Toxic "Non-Toxic" Traits | Podcast

Hey, you! 😊

So I’m gonna be completely honest with you. I was very close to not have any podcast episode to upload this week.

You see, I actually had a special episode planned for today. With a special guest. The first one for this podcast, which I was very excited about.

But my weekend started badly, went all kinds of wrong, and I’ve sort of been dealing with those emotions. So I didn’t have the energy and mindset to get into what needed to be done with that planned episode. Thankfully, my guest is a close friend of mine and she knows what’s been going on so she understood completely and fingers crossed we will be able to prepare for the next episode.

So I started thinking of different topics I could talk about and unfortunately nothing seemed good enough. Well, no actually, there were good topics but I felt like I wouldn’t be able to do it right. Not having enough preparation.

But it got me thinking about a job interview I recently had. I remembered telling the talent recruiter that I wasn’t a perfectionist person, but I was a conscientious one. I like to get the work done and I take pleasure in that. So of course, I started laughing at myself because this was it. This was my opportunity to prove to myself if I really mean the words that I say or if I’m just a crap talker.

Because of course, I am exactly what I describe myself to be. I am a conscientious person. But it seems that way for everything, except for the podcast. God only knows why I put so much pressure on myself regarding the topics of the podcast.

And then I figured that if I wanted to get things done and done in the right way - I should talk just about something from the heart.

Toxic Traits.

The word "toxic" gets thrown around a lot these days—but what does it really mean? And further, what actually counts as a toxic trait?

Because I feel like what i’m about to share with you about me isn’t really a toxic trait. But if it isn’t then I’m not sure what it should be called.

Fine. Whatever. So a few months ago, I saw this trend on IG reels about people sharing what their toxic trait was. And I was gonna do that trend but I got caught up with other stuff so I never got to do it.

Anyways … a lot of the things that we’re being shared didn’t really seem like a toxic trait which is why I mentioned earlier that indeed the word toxic does get thrown around a lot nowadays.

According to Psychologist and toxic family expert Sherrie Campbell, PHD,

Toxic traits can be defined as any persistent pattern of behavior that is undermining or harmful to others.

As she tells mindbodygreen, this can be anything from manipulation to selfishness to generally lacking empathy. "We all have the capacity to manipulate in some way, but toxic people do it persistently—not just when they're mad—and there's always an agenda," she explains.

So yeah, when I see on Instagram that someone’s toxic trait is thinking that they deserve a dessert treat whenever they’re out that really isn’t a toxic trait because obviously they’re not being harmful or undermining others. The only one getting manipulated is themselves I guess.

Anyways … so let’s go back to me. My toxic non-toxic trait is that and I’ve never told anyone this, well except for my husband and my daughter …

Soooo it’s …

If I’m given a gift and I really like it, I will never ever use it.

Someone, anyone who’s listening right now, please comment that you do the same thing as I do because I’ve tried looking online and I haven’t found anything about this.

It’s ridiculous I know but if you give me something I really like, I simply will not use it.

My daughter has given me a book, Arsene Lupin gentleman -cambrioleur by Maurice Leblanc, which I consciously refuse to read because I don’t want to risk damaging the pages. I would love to read it and I probably will if I get it for myself, but my daughter’s gift is on my bookshelf untouched.

A close friend gave me a really nice candle a few years ago, which I will not light. It’s on my tv table because it’s so pretty to look at, but you can be sure I will never ever light it. She made a comment once and I said to her that it was too pretty to light and she jokingly answered that she would get me another one. But I still won’t.

Another close friend of mine gave me a Yves Rocher beauty basket and it had a shower gel, body lotion, and hand soap. The only reason why I even opened it was because one day we ran out of shower gel and I was in the shower and I desperately needed some. I was feeling horrible the whole time I was washing myself. This was probably two years after I received it. And last year, she gave me a really nice tea pot and tea and yeah, you probably guessed it right, it’s been one year I haven’t used the teapot yet. Not even once. But I love it.

And in my kitchen, I have a shelf on the wall. There are several jars on it, a toilet mug, a toothpick holder, and on the far left side, there is a red box which contains a Peugeot Salt and Black Pepper mill which I have never used or even taken out of the box. A Japanese friend gave it to me 5 or 6 years ago for my birthday and I know that it’s quite pricey. And I absolutely love love love it and because I do, I can’t use it.

I feel bad about this, I do, because people usually don't use unwanted gifts, you know, or gifts that they don’t like. But in my case, it’s actually the complete opposite! I would love to use them but I feel like if I do, they’re not as special anymore. The thing is I want to show my friends and my family how thankful and happy I am with their gift, which I truly am. But the way that I show it is to keep the gift untouched.

So do you think that would be considered a toxic trait? Because it does sound like it actually. But I’m not hurting or undermining anyone?

Thankfully, my daughter knows and understands this about me, although I’m probably sure she doesn’t fully understand. I don’t fully understand. Like I said, I’ve tried looking about it online and I couldn’t find anything about it. I should probably talk to my therapist. But, one thing at a time. Hahaha

I did find on Instagram some toxic traits people shared and some just made me laugh out loud!

My toxic trait is wanting no help because I’m a control freak that wants to do everything myself. Then feeling overwhelmed as beep that I have no help.

I have control issues so that kinda makes sense to me actually.

My toxic trait is getting sad when someone doesn’t reciprocate the same effort that I put in because I will do anything and everything for the people I love.

Hmmm … this is probably something I would have felt when I was younger. But now, nahhhh, age and maturity definitely shifted something within me so this wouldn’t be an issue anymore. Like I’ll do things because I want to and I don’t really expect anything in return. Or at least, not feel sad if someone I love doesn’t reciprocate.

My toxic trait is I shut down and I push people away. Even when it’s at a time when I need someone the most. And as much as I don’t want to, for some reason, I do it anyway. I isolate myself and suffer in silence because I feel that’s what I have to do and I don't deserve help.

This one actually broke my heart because it feels very lonely. And I wonder, if this would happen to a friend of mine, what would be the best thing to do? Should I leave her or him to be? Or should I insist on staying? What would be better for them?

My toxic trait is I honestly do not know how to let go of things that I should let go of. Holding on to people in hopes that they’ll change, constantly waiting, basically settling and ignoring the signs trying to find the good in them when there is none.

That one is hard as well. Especially when you’re in a relationship. You can never expect or ask someone to change for you nor can you wait an eternity for them to do so. It’s even harder when it’s two people who are completely different from one another. And it’s hard because somehow you have to find a good and healthy balance in the relationship. And sometimes it’s not about ignoring the signs. You just don’t see them. Ignoring implies that you intentionally refuse to see or acknowledge the signs, so I guess that’s where the balance is not healthy anymore or once you start the denial process.

Wow, this is getting a bit deep. Where’s the stuff that was making me laugh earlier?

Hmmm ...

My toxic trait is I won’t let you clean because it’s not clean unless I clean it, but then I’ll yell at you for not cleaning.

I actually have a friend that’s like this. She won’t yell at me for not cleaning. But she’ll yell at me if I insist on cleaning. I learned that the hard way. It’s just that she doesn’t have a dishwasher at home so I thought I would help her wash her dishes after dinner and I insisted a bit, but she yelled at me, and the vein on her forehead popped out so I knew she meant business. I quickly sat back down on my chair and just let it go.

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense and I get mad when they don’t.

Oh yes!!!!

For a long time, I thought everyone had common sense or similar logical reasoning and then I started working and meeting a lot of people and I realized that wasn’t the case. And it scared me at first, but also got me mad. It’s the littlest of things sometimes. You can’t blame it on bad manners or bad education.

My toxic trait is waking up on time and lying in bed until I’m running late.

Oh my gosh. This is a classic. Of course. But in my defense and in this person’s defense, there is nothing better than lying in bed for a long time after waking up. It’s just such a calm time until you start feeling stress from running late, but that’s another thing.

And the last one is my toxic trait is telling people I’m down for anything, of course, when in reality I meant not after 8pm, food should be involved, and it also depends on the weather, the parking situation, and how tired I am.

Oh yeahhhh. I have no words for this one. Just imagine me nodding my head.

Everyone displays negative behavior from time to time. That does not make you a bad person. I think ultimately that if you’re not hurting anyone physically, emotionally, and psychologically, these are not toxic traits. Instead watch out for signs like manipulation for example.

This is a scratch on the surface, perhaps one day we could go deeper into real toxic traits. Let me know.